Hey all,

Went to Tioman Island 2 weeks ago on a liveaboard for that artificial reef launch & Record attempt at most divers in the water (why bother??). The start of the trip was pretty horrible, forgotten gear, a lost 90-year old at the jetty and us getting lost on the way meant that when we got to the jetty we were ready for a good night’s sleep. No such luck. A storm off the Philipines meant 1-2m high waves coming from no one clear direction. Seasickness tablets were taken and thrown up as people escaped to the top deck for fresh air and hung on for dear life.

The next morning, we were parked in Monkey Bay (no monkeys were ever seen) in Tulai Island off Tioman. Everyone was still asleep so after rummaging for gear I went out with the captain for spearfishing, rolled overboard and my fin strap snapped. Rats. So couldn’t go spearfishing but had to go back to the boat. Right then the engine died – flooded from the storm. Picked up the paddle (more like a stick) and the fins and started rowing back to the boat.

Back on the boat, gear was still malfunctioning and a drizzle had started. The sea outside the bay was choppy and the wreck dive was a nightmare with people hanging off the anchor rope literally being pulled away by the current. On a different dive, descending with strong current ended up with people ending up in 5 different groups by the time we reached the bottom and depending on which way you were swept or tried to fight the current most of us didn’t even see each other at all.

Malaysian royalty…

Marine Police, Police jetskis, Naval Boats…I wonder why they would need gunner boats, anti-aircraft guns and amphibious vehicles for a reef launch. Underwater, the Prince’s 4 bodyguards pushed divers floating too close as he shook hands and pulled open a curtain to launch the reef.

TV crew followed us around underwater and onto the boat as Mark’s shower became primetime viewing material. We went treasurehunting for numbered golf balls underwater & found 8 out of the 10 tossed around by the marine divers. Cultural dances & dinner in the evening was planned for the VVIPs.

When things took an upturn..

I think things got better right after we bought a carton of Tiger beer and sat on the top deck of the boat watching the fireworks and flares explode literally right above and around us. The pyrotechnics guy had a problem judging distances so it literally exploded on the beach and about 20m above our heads with burnt up flares landing all around us.

But the highlight was probably the Love Boat that was anchored next to us. The White Dress was brought out and the boys swam over to the Love Boat with a mission to conquer & plunder. Bongos, bongs & beer fuelled the Love Boat’s inhabitants staccato drum beats as the boys triumphantly jumped off the Love Boat’s top deck.

Afterwards, we wondered if the Love Boat inhabitants would ever remember the Scotsman in a white dress, the Aussie, the Brit & the Msian who emerged from the midnight waters, charged through the Love Boat and plunged over the side. Or maybe it was all a drug-induced hallucination…

And then there was the White Dress..

It started as a silly idea about dressing up for the ceremony that was taking place 40ft underwater. Besides, with (the expected) 300 divers all dressed in standard issue black neoprene & faces obscured by masks and regs something was required to rise above the masses. I had a long white dress wth the appropriate ruffles that I reckoned would look quite nice floating underwater. And while I was at it, why not do a leap off the top deck in it.

As I emerged from the cabin, Mr. M gave a speculative look. “You know, I wouldn’t look half bad in that too. I reckon I’d put that on”

With those words the Ladyboy revelation had arrived, skirts were flared, kisses blown & hairy manboobs flashed. Every manly bloke had an inner Lolita that emerged with the White Dress.

The biggest surprise of the day was that, everyone; from a 5’4″ 50kg Asian girl to the 6’2″ 95kg Scottish bloke fit into the White Dress.

So the rest is history. White sand, crystal clear waters, colorful fish. Good spearfishing and we climbed a small mountain & explored the mangroves. Did a dive with 5 wrecks with no current & I got my mermaid shot & enough memories to fuel me through enough cold London evenings.

Shi.