song is Alice by Pogo

“Oh my god, you are down in Koh phi phi for the weekend?”, says the open-mouthed mancunian (manchester, england). “That is…so.. amazing”. I’m not quite sure if he is still here or if it is the mixture of coke, red bull and local whiskey in a plastic bucket talking. As I paint a lightning bolt over his friend’s eye, it does feel like a lifetime since weekend trips walking on cobblestones.

-30:00h

I am trying to hide the silly grin on my face as I push my stuff into my bag.

-24:00h

Into a plane, off the plane, into a minivan, into a hotel on the main strip of patong phuket, trying to ignore the go-go bars and neon lights on the main strip, stare longingly at hotel pool, get some sleep.

-16:00h

The air on the morning ferry to Koh Phi Phi is charged with happy excitement from travellers who have been fed Leonardo di Caprio’s Beach and like me, are anticipating Adventure. The silly grin on my face is out in the open now.

-15:00h

Agent B turns up, fit as a fiddle after 1 month of climbing in Tonsai.

-14:00h

Agent B is complaining about how Koh Phi Phi is not as good as Tonsai and after much pleading from me, he comes with me on the boat tour to Maya Bay.

-9:00h

Our boat is boarded by a pair of hairy pirates looking for food. I jump off the boat, only to look up and see a monkey jumping off the boat on top of me. I scream like a little girl, it lands next to me in the surf and everyone bursts out laughing. I am fed up of being terrorized by furry thieves and scream at a monkey charging at me. He takes one look at the furious hairless lunatic and backs off.

-8:00h

We are snorkeling, it’s the Spanish girls’ first time and I am happy, darting between coral formations and spying on the fat purple moray eel curled up beneath us.

-7:00h

A happy chinese tourist joins our group jumping photo at Maya Bay. She takes a photo with me before leaving. I’m a celebrity, haha…

-6:00h

We are cruising through a lagoon with crystal clear waters and mountains that float in the ocean and go straight up into the sky.

-3:30h

The pad thai, green curry and nutella banana pancakes are happily sitting at the bottom of my stomach.

-3:00h

Irish Paul and Lu from the boat tour run up to us! Come join us, all of us from the hostel are at the Raggae Bar.

-1:00h

Lu from Holland is telling me about the full moon party on Koh Lawang that they are going to. She is the oldest of the group, she says, she is 26 and she wants to do all of this before she gets old and can’t keep up anymore. We watch the muay thai fighters high kick each other, bodies slamming into the ground while the white boys circle the ring and eye up their chances of making it in a fight. Agent B has disappeared.

-0:30h

Agent B magically reappears while we are eating toasted ham and cheese sandwiches at the 7-11. He got a thai massage and it was great, he says.

+1:00h

The young englishman who was knocked out cold in the Raggae Bar Muay Thai ring confirms that it was a kick to the head and not to the chest. His opponent, a hefty irishman and former boxer had unleashed a flurry of precisely aimed blows before the finish, a kick to the head that sent the boy unconscious to the floor of the ring and the locals frantically taking off his protective headgear and shinguards trying to revive him. A tense 5 minutes passed before he got to his feet and walked off the ring.

+2:00h

Agent B and Mancunian are getting “hello sailor” looks from the many young european ladies flitting around Koh Phi Phi. Hanging out with me (the obligatory female friend) has given them a “certificate of goodness” stamped on their foreheads. Or stamped on their derrieres, judging from the direction of the admiring looks that they are getting.

+11:00h

Feeling the sand and shell between my toes. Water is too choppy to snorkel with the black tip sharks. But it’s good to be out in the sun.

+16:00h

“Maman, je veut une ballon noir de le singe” The ferry is full of people.

+18:00h

One of the local girlfriends of the old farangs is staring at me while I eat my noodles and sit with my earphones on.

+20:00h

I am getting “hello hello” looks from old farangs in the airport terminal. Ergh.

+22:00h

Snoozing in the plane. Good night.